• I need some help here

    Me and my partner have been married going on 5 years. We have a kid and children from previous relationships, we both have sacrificed alot for our kids and that includes our free time. We dont go out, drink, party anymore between either of us....its just the kids

    We never have date nights as we dont have any family, we usually always do things together.

    I have been for the past year in school to where i go away for three days out of the week sometimes twice a month, its paid through my work. Its not a holiday and includes studying the entire time. It created alot of resentment because "I" got to go out and be free, my partner works from home and made me going to school doable and i thank them for that. I am also at this time done with school and will not be doing this in the near future in any way

    But again, outside of that i dont go anywhere or do anything for myself

    Well since about March my partner dicided that they were going to work on themself, but it essentially meant im going out when you get home to go to the gym,friends, just out etc

    Im just home the kids, ive made past complaints about the frequency, NOT what shes doing.....just that i didn't feel like it needed to be everyday

    I got pushback and was accused of being controlling, but it seemed like she would atleast stay home a night or two atleast.

    But here we are again, its everyday the gym, and free time is spent elsewhere and "its because you dont work from home and you dont understand"

    Am i being unreasonable? Is it normal for yall's partners to just go out every night and tell you to deal with it? Why am i default for just being home every night alone? And why do i have to give a headsup if i ever need to do anything, or maybe something for myself? Im starting to get to the point of being resentful/lonely and dont want to do this anymore because i feel like there cant be a middle ground. I just get told that this is what im doing, and your going to have to deal with it, why cant we do things that are all inclusive as a family or try and figure out date nights?

    And just to add something, we both are hands on with the kids, they do morning routines and i help get them ready. I pick the kids up at night and do night time routine with the partner OCASSIONALLY helping, we both do cooking cleaning etc.

    One more edit we both get off at 5 im home by 530 after picking kids up

    They'll be gone from
    6-11
    8-10
    7-10
    530-12

    It varries from whatever they say they're going out doing, but i honestly feel like they jusy dont want to be home with me or the kids
    I need some help here Me and my partner have been married going on 5 years. We have a kid and children from previous relationships, we both have sacrificed alot for our kids and that includes our free time. We dont go out, drink, party anymore between either of us....its just the kids We never have date nights as we dont have any family, we usually always do things together. I have been for the past year in school to where i go away for three days out of the week sometimes twice a month, its paid through my work. Its not a holiday and includes studying the entire time. It created alot of resentment because "I" got to go out and be free, my partner works from home and made me going to school doable and i thank them for that. I am also at this time done with school and will not be doing this in the near future in any way But again, outside of that i dont go anywhere or do anything for myself Well since about March my partner dicided that they were going to work on themself, but it essentially meant im going out when you get home to go to the gym,friends, just out etc Im just home the kids, ive made past complaints about the frequency, NOT what shes doing.....just that i didn't feel like it needed to be everyday I got pushback and was accused of being controlling, but it seemed like she would atleast stay home a night or two atleast. But here we are again, its everyday the gym, and free time is spent elsewhere and "its because you dont work from home and you dont understand" Am i being unreasonable? Is it normal for yall's partners to just go out every night and tell you to deal with it? Why am i default for just being home every night alone? And why do i have to give a headsup if i ever need to do anything, or maybe something for myself? Im starting to get to the point of being resentful/lonely and dont want to do this anymore because i feel like there cant be a middle ground. I just get told that this is what im doing, and your going to have to deal with it, why cant we do things that are all inclusive as a family or try and figure out date nights? And just to add something, we both are hands on with the kids, they do morning routines and i help get them ready. I pick the kids up at night and do night time routine with the partner OCASSIONALLY helping, we both do cooking cleaning etc. One more edit we both get off at 5 im home by 530 after picking kids up They'll be gone from 6-11 8-10 7-10 530-12 It varries from whatever they say they're going out doing, but i honestly feel like they jusy dont want to be home with me or the kids
    Sad
    1
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  • *WHEN LOVE CORRECTS YOU, IT'S A GIFT — NOT AN ATTACK*



    In every relationship, there comes a moment when your partner sees something you might not — a habit, an attitude, or a silence that’s hurting you both.

    Love isn’t just about sweet words or happy moments. Sometimes love shows up as correction — a wake-up call, a mirror reflecting what you need to see, even if it’s hard.

    A caring partner might say:
    “You’ve changed — what’s really going on?”
    “That friend isn’t good for your peace.”
    “You’re working too much and missing us.”
    “This silence between us is growing — we need to talk.”

    It’s natural to feel hurt or defensive when corrected. But ask yourself:
    If your partner can’t tell you the truth, who will?
    If you always defend your pride, how can love grow?

    Healthy relationships aren’t about control or criticism — they’re about accountability and care.
    Being corrected doesn’t mean you’re less loved. It means your partner wants the best for you — and for the life you’re building together.

    If you only accept comfort and avoid correction, you risk staying stuck in patterns that quietly destroy love.
    If you always want to be right, you might end up alone.

    So next time your partner points out something hard, listen with your heart, not just your ears.
    They aren’t trying to change you — they’re trying to protect what you both cherish.

    Remember: Let love guide you. Let pride rest. Let growth begin together.. God bless us all. Please don't go without reacting

    🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽
    *WHEN LOVE CORRECTS YOU, IT'S A GIFT — NOT AN ATTACK* In every relationship, there comes a moment when your partner sees something you might not — a habit, an attitude, or a silence that’s hurting you both. Love isn’t just about sweet words or happy moments. Sometimes love shows up as correction — a wake-up call, a mirror reflecting what you need to see, even if it’s hard. A caring partner might say: “You’ve changed — what’s really going on?” “That friend isn’t good for your peace.” “You’re working too much and missing us.” “This silence between us is growing — we need to talk.” It’s natural to feel hurt or defensive when corrected. But ask yourself: If your partner can’t tell you the truth, who will? If you always defend your pride, how can love grow? Healthy relationships aren’t about control or criticism — they’re about accountability and care. Being corrected doesn’t mean you’re less loved. It means your partner wants the best for you — and for the life you’re building together. If you only accept comfort and avoid correction, you risk staying stuck in patterns that quietly destroy love. If you always want to be right, you might end up alone. So next time your partner points out something hard, listen with your heart, not just your ears. They aren’t trying to change you — they’re trying to protect what you both cherish. Remember: Let love guide you. Let pride rest. Let growth begin together.. God bless us all. Please don't go without reacting 🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽
    Like
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  • 1: DATE SOMEONE WHO IS MATURED ENOUGH TO SAY...✍🏾
    "Hey babe, this what you have done and I honestly do not like it, I would appreciate if u stop this type of behaviour cause it hurts me". Cool right?... Instead of someone who'd go out of their way acting childish and ignoring you, while venting to social media with posts.

    2: If you're matured enough you'll realize that nowadays, its not about dating someone beautiful, handsome or your type but a loving person who really cares about you.

    3: You can never build a relationship with a partner who is living to impress friends... Never!!

    4: You don't owe anyone a lasting relationship... You owe yourself happiness... If it gets toxic, leave..

    5: Relationships don't need cute voices & lovely faces, relationships need beautiful hearts & unbreakable trust. I don't look at faces. My happiness is my priority.

    #TakeResponsibility
    1: DATE SOMEONE WHO IS MATURED ENOUGH TO SAY...✍🏾 "Hey babe, this what you have done and I honestly do not like it, I would appreciate if u stop this type of behaviour cause it hurts me". Cool right?... Instead of someone who'd go out of their way acting childish and ignoring you, while venting to social media with posts. 2: If you're matured enough you'll realize that nowadays, its not about dating someone beautiful, handsome or your type but a loving person who really cares about you. 3: You can never build a relationship with a partner who is living to impress friends... Never!! 4: You don't owe anyone a lasting relationship... You owe yourself happiness... If it gets toxic, leave.. 5: Relationships don't need cute voices & lovely faces, relationships need beautiful hearts & unbreakable trust. I don't look at faces. My happiness is my priority. #TakeResponsibility
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  • *LEAVE YOUR FEMALE STUDENTS ALONE!*

    This is not just a warn!ng—this is a cry. A cry for the girl child. A cry for our schools. A cry for sanity.

    Dear young male teacher,

    You are gifted. You are admired. Your presence alone makes the girls sit up, eager to learn. You speak with passion, you dress smart, you explain well—and you may not know this—but many of those girls in your class are secretly cru$h!ng on you.

    But listen carefully: Their admiration is not permission. Their smiles are not an invitation. Their boldness is not maturity.

    They are still children. Tender. VulnerabI3. Still figuring out their emotions. What they feel is not love—it is confusion dressed in admiration. They trust you. They believe in you. And when you cross that sacred line… you k!II something in them.

    You kiIIher confidence.
    You kiII her future.
    You kiII her right to grow up whole and safe.

    Let me tell you what many don’t talk about.

    There are girls walking around today—empty, br0ken, hiding pa!n under their makeup—because a teacher who was supposed to protect them u$ed them.

    Some dropped out of school with swollen bellies.
    Some ended up in danger0u$ relationships they didn’t deserve.
    Some can no longer focus in class.
    Some lost their voice.
    Some have never healed.

    And what’s worse? Many of them still blame themselves.

    You were supposed to be her mentor. Her light. Her guide. Instead, you became her first heartbreak£ her first betrayal, her first $hame.

    Let me say this loud and clear: If a girl student ever gets bold enough to come close, it is because you have already given her the signal.
    Yes—you may not have touched her yet, but your boundary is already weak. And weak boundaries are a silent invitation to destruct!on.

    Don’t tell yourself “it’s love.” It’s not.
    Don’t say “she started it.” She didn’t.
    Don’t say “others have done it.” That’s no excuse.

    The truth is: many male teachers have ru!ned the destiny of the girl child in the name of love. And nobody talks about it enough.

    Be different.

    Don’t become another reason why a girl can’t look a male teacher in the eye without f£ar. Don’t become the face she remembers every time the word “trust” is mentioned. Don’t destr0y a child to satisfy your weakness.

    You are not just teaching a subject—you are shaping a soul.

    So protect her.
    Guard your role.
    Be disciplined.
    Be a real man.
    Be the teacher she’ll write about with pride—not pa!n.

    Let this be the end of this madn€$$.
    Let the classroom be a place of growth, not trau.ma.

    If this message touched your heart, share it like fire.
    We must shout it louder until every teacher hears it:

    Leave the girl child alone. Let her grow. Let her breathe. Let her be safe.
    *LEAVE YOUR FEMALE STUDENTS ALONE!* This is not just a warn!ng—this is a cry. A cry for the girl child. A cry for our schools. A cry for sanity. Dear young male teacher, You are gifted. You are admired. Your presence alone makes the girls sit up, eager to learn. You speak with passion, you dress smart, you explain well—and you may not know this—but many of those girls in your class are secretly cru$h!ng on you. But listen carefully: Their admiration is not permission. Their smiles are not an invitation. Their boldness is not maturity. They are still children. Tender. VulnerabI3. Still figuring out their emotions. What they feel is not love—it is confusion dressed in admiration. They trust you. They believe in you. And when you cross that sacred line… you k!II something in them. You kiIIher confidence. You kiII her future. You kiII her right to grow up whole and safe. Let me tell you what many don’t talk about. There are girls walking around today—empty, br0ken, hiding pa!n under their makeup—because a teacher who was supposed to protect them u$ed them. Some dropped out of school with swollen bellies. Some ended up in danger0u$ relationships they didn’t deserve. Some can no longer focus in class. Some lost their voice. Some have never healed. And what’s worse? Many of them still blame themselves. You were supposed to be her mentor. Her light. Her guide. Instead, you became her first heartbreak£ her first betrayal, her first $hame. Let me say this loud and clear: If a girl student ever gets bold enough to come close, it is because you have already given her the signal. Yes—you may not have touched her yet, but your boundary is already weak. And weak boundaries are a silent invitation to destruct!on. Don’t tell yourself “it’s love.” It’s not. Don’t say “she started it.” She didn’t. Don’t say “others have done it.” That’s no excuse. The truth is: many male teachers have ru!ned the destiny of the girl child in the name of love. And nobody talks about it enough. Be different. Don’t become another reason why a girl can’t look a male teacher in the eye without f£ar. Don’t become the face she remembers every time the word “trust” is mentioned. Don’t destr0y a child to satisfy your weakness. You are not just teaching a subject—you are shaping a soul. So protect her. Guard your role. Be disciplined. Be a real man. Be the teacher she’ll write about with pride—not pa!n. Let this be the end of this madn€$$. Let the classroom be a place of growth, not trau.ma. If this message touched your heart, share it like fire. We must shout it louder until every teacher hears it: Leave the girl child alone. Let her grow. Let her breathe. Let her be safe.
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  • If you’re constantly guessing how someone feels about you that’s your answer.

    Healthy relationships bring clarity, not confusion. Consistency, communication, and mutual effort are key. If you’re always the one overthinking or over-giving, take a step back and ask yourself: Am I being loved the way I deserve?
    If you’re constantly guessing how someone feels about you that’s your answer. Healthy relationships bring clarity, not confusion. Consistency, communication, and mutual effort are key. If you’re always the one overthinking or over-giving, take a step back and ask yourself: Am I being loved the way I deserve?
    Like
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  • Born on These 4 Dates? You're Destined for Wealth

    Numerology analyzes an individual’s behavior, characteristics, and career choices based on their birth date. The Life Path Number, derived from adding the digits of your birth date, plays a significant role in this analysis. Life Path Number 1 individuals are often seen as special, achieving notable success in both life and career.

    Lucky Birth Dates

    People born on the 1st, 10th, 19th, or 28th of any month have a Life Path Number of 1. This number is associated with the Sun’s energy, symbolizing confidence, leadership, and creativity. Those born on these dates are natural leaders.

    These individuals are confident, independent thinkers who draw others in with their unique personalities, leaving a lasting impression wherever they go. They embrace challenges and turn them into opportunities for success.

    However, their strong personalities can sometimes lead to stubbornness and arrogance. They may believe their way is the only correct way, occasionally overlooking the advice of others.

    Despite this, they have pure hearts and are always willing to help those in need. Their creativity often leads them to success in fields like art, writing, and other creative professions.

    Friendships and Relationships

    Life Path Number 1 individuals are loyal and respectful partners. While they deeply value their loved ones, they also cherish their independence within relationships. They expect mutual respect and understanding from their partners. However, their strong-willed nature, coupled with occasional stubbornness, may lead to conflicts. Maintaining balance and open communication is essential for a successful love life.

    Career Choices

    With ambitious goals, those with Life Path Number 1 are determined to achieve them. Careers that emphasize leadership, innovation, and independence are ideal. They excel in fields such as business, management, marketing, advertising, art, writing, and technology.

    Health

    While energetic and active, their dedication to their pursuits can lead to stress and fatigue. Practicing yoga, meditation, and regular exercise can help them maintain mental clarity. Their busy schedules might sometimes cause irregular eating habits, so it’s important for them to maintain a balanced diet and a healthy, active lifestyle.
    Born on These 4 Dates? You're Destined for Wealth Numerology analyzes an individual’s behavior, characteristics, and career choices based on their birth date. The Life Path Number, derived from adding the digits of your birth date, plays a significant role in this analysis. Life Path Number 1 individuals are often seen as special, achieving notable success in both life and career. Lucky Birth Dates People born on the 1st, 10th, 19th, or 28th of any month have a Life Path Number of 1. This number is associated with the Sun’s energy, symbolizing confidence, leadership, and creativity. Those born on these dates are natural leaders. These individuals are confident, independent thinkers who draw others in with their unique personalities, leaving a lasting impression wherever they go. They embrace challenges and turn them into opportunities for success. However, their strong personalities can sometimes lead to stubbornness and arrogance. They may believe their way is the only correct way, occasionally overlooking the advice of others. Despite this, they have pure hearts and are always willing to help those in need. Their creativity often leads them to success in fields like art, writing, and other creative professions. Friendships and Relationships Life Path Number 1 individuals are loyal and respectful partners. While they deeply value their loved ones, they also cherish their independence within relationships. They expect mutual respect and understanding from their partners. However, their strong-willed nature, coupled with occasional stubbornness, may lead to conflicts. Maintaining balance and open communication is essential for a successful love life. Career Choices With ambitious goals, those with Life Path Number 1 are determined to achieve them. Careers that emphasize leadership, innovation, and independence are ideal. They excel in fields such as business, management, marketing, advertising, art, writing, and technology. Health While energetic and active, their dedication to their pursuits can lead to stress and fatigue. Practicing yoga, meditation, and regular exercise can help them maintain mental clarity. Their busy schedules might sometimes cause irregular eating habits, so it’s important for them to maintain a balanced diet and a healthy, active lifestyle.
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  • A LONG READ

    How do we choose the people we fall in love with?

    The Romantic answer is that our instincts naturally guide us to individuals who are kind and good for us.

    Love is a sort of ecstasy that descends when we feel ourselves in the presence of a benign and nourishing soul, who will answer our emotional needs, understand our sadness and strengthen us for the hard tasks of our lives.

    In order to locate our lover, we must let our instincts carry us along, taking care never to impede them through pedantic psychological analysis and introspection or else considerations of status, wealth or lineage.

    Our feelings will tell us clearly enough when we have reached our destiny. To ask someone with any degree of rigour why exactly they have chosen a particular partner is – in the Romantic world-view – simply an unnecessary and offensive misunderstanding of love: true love is an instinct that accurately and naturally settles on those with a capacity to make us happy.

    The Romantic attitude sounds warm and kind. Its originators certainly imagined that it would bring an end to the sort of unhappy relationships previously brokered by parents and society. The only difficulty is that our obedience to instinct has, very often, proved to be a disaster of its own.

    Respecting the special feelings we get around certain people in nightclubs and train stations, parties and websites and that Romanticism so ably celebrated in art appears not to have led us to be any happier in our unions than a Medieval couple shackled into marriage by two royal courts keen to preserve the sovereignty of a slice of ancestral land. ‘Instinct’ has been little better than ‘calculation’ in underwriting the quality of our love stories.

    Romanticism would not at this point, however, give up the argument quite so easily. It would simply ascribe the difficulties we often have in love to not having looked hard enough for that central fixture of Romantic reverie: the right person. This being is inevitably still out there (every soul must have its soulmate, Romanticism assures us), it is just that we haven’t managed to track them down – yet.

    So we must continue the search, with all the technology and tenacity necessary, and maybe, once the divorce has come through and the house has been sold, we’ll get it right. But there’s another school of thought, this one influenced by psychoanalysis, which challenges the notion that instinct invariably draws us to those who will make us happy.

    The theory insists that we don’t fall in love first and foremost with those who care for us in ideal ways, we fall in love with those who care for us in familiar ways. Adult love emerges from a template of how we should be loved that was created in childhood and is likely to be entwined with a range of problematic compulsions that militate in key ways against our chances of growth.

    We may believe we are seeking happiness in love, but what we are really after is familiarity. We are looking to re-create, within our adult relationships, the very feelings we knew so well in childhood – and which were rarely limited to just tenderness and care.

    The love most of us will have tasted early on was confused with other, more destructive dynamics: feelings of wanting to help an adult who was out of control, of being deprived of a parent’s warmth or scared of his or her anger, or of not feeling secure enough to communicate our trickier wishes.

    How logical, then, that we should as adults find ourselves rejecting certain candidates not because they are wrong but because they are a little too right – in the sense of seeming somehow excessively balanced, mature, understanding and reliable – given that in our hearts, such rightness feels foreign and unearned.

    We chase after more exciting others, not in the belief that life with them will be more harmonious, but out of an unconscious sense that it will be reassuringly familiar in its patterns of frustration. Psychoanalysis calls the process whereby we identify our partners ‘object choice’ – and recommends that we try to understand the factors semi-consciously governing our attractions in order to interrupt the unhealthier patterns that might be at play.

    Our instincts – our strong undercurrents of attraction and revulsion – stem from complicated experiences we had when we were far too young to understand them, and which linger in the antechambers of our minds.

    Psychoanalysis doesn’t wish to suggest that everything about our attractions will be deformed. We may have quite legitimate aspirations to positive qualities: intelligence, charm, generosity… But we are also liable to be fatefully drawn towards trickier tendencies: someone who is often absent, or treats us with a little disdain, or needs to be surrounded all the time by friends, or cannot master their finances.

    However paradoxical it can sound, without these tricky behaviours, we may simply not be able to feel passionate or tender with someone.

    Alternatively, we may have been so traumatised by a parental figure, we cannot approach any partner who shares qualities with them of any kind, even ones disconnected from their negative sides. We might in love be rigidly intolerant of anyone who is intelligent, or punctual or interested in science, simply because these were the traits of someone who caused us a great deal of difficulty early on.

    To choose our partners wisely, we need to tease out how our compulsions to suffering or our rigid flights from trauma may be playing themselves out in our feelings of attraction. A useful starting place is to ask ourselves (perhaps in the company of a large sheet of paper, a pen and a free afternoon) what sort of people really put us off.

    Revulsion and disgust are useful first guides because we are likely to recognize that some of the traits that make us shiver are not objectively negative and yet feel to us distinctly off-putting. We might, for example, sense that someone who asks us too much about ourselves, or is very tender or dependable, will seem extremely eerie and frightening.

    And we might equally well, along the way, recognize that a degree of cruelty or distance belong to an odd list of the things we appear genuinely to need in order to love. It can be tricky to avoid self-censorship here, but the point isn’t to represent ourselves as reassuring, predictable people, but to get to know the curious quirks of our own psyches.

    We’ll tend to find that some ostensibly pretty nice things are getting caught in our love filters: people who are eloquent, clever, reliable, sunny can set off loud alarms. This is vital knowledge. We should pause and try to fathom where the aversions come from, what aspects of our past have made it so hard for us to accept certain sorts of emotional nourishment.

    Each time we recognize a negative, we’re discovering a crucial association in our own minds: we’re alighting on an impossibility of love based on associations from the past projected onto the present. An additional way we can get at the associations which circulate powerfully in the less noticed corners of our brains is to finish stub-sentences, that invite us to respond to things that might charm or repel us about someone.

    We get to see our own reactions more clearly when we write things down without thinking too much about our answers, catching the mind’s unconscious at work.

    For instance, we can deliberately jot the first things that come into our heads when we read the following:
    • If I tell a partner how much I need them, they will…
    • When someone tells me they really need me, I…
    • If someone can’t cope, I…
    • When someone tells me to get my act together, I …
    • If I were to be frank about my anxieties …
    • If my partner told me not to worry, I’d…
    • When someone blames me unfairly, I …

    Our honestly described reactions are legacies. They are revealing underlying assumptions we have acquired about what love can look like. We may start to get a clearer picture that our vision of what we are looking for in another person might not be an especially good guide to our personal or mutual happiness.

    Examining our emotional histories, we see that we can’t be attracted to just anyone. Getting to know the past, we come to recognise our earlier associations for what they are: generalisations we formed – entirely understandably – on the basis of just one or, hugely impressive, examples.

    We’ve unknowingly turned some local associations into strict rules for relationships. Even if we can’t radically shift the pattern, it’s useful to know that we are carrying a ball and chain. It can make us more careful of ourselves when we feel overwhelmed by a certainty that we’ve met the one, after a few minutes chatting at the bar.

    Ultimately, we stand to be liberated to love different people to our initial ‘types’, because we find that the qualities we like, and the ones we very much fear, are found in different constellations from those we encountered in the people who first taught us about affection, long ago in a childhood we are starting at last to understand and free ourselves from.

    The Counsellor
    A LONG READ How do we choose the people we fall in love with? The Romantic answer is that our instincts naturally guide us to individuals who are kind and good for us. Love is a sort of ecstasy that descends when we feel ourselves in the presence of a benign and nourishing soul, who will answer our emotional needs, understand our sadness and strengthen us for the hard tasks of our lives. In order to locate our lover, we must let our instincts carry us along, taking care never to impede them through pedantic psychological analysis and introspection or else considerations of status, wealth or lineage. Our feelings will tell us clearly enough when we have reached our destiny. To ask someone with any degree of rigour why exactly they have chosen a particular partner is – in the Romantic world-view – simply an unnecessary and offensive misunderstanding of love: true love is an instinct that accurately and naturally settles on those with a capacity to make us happy. The Romantic attitude sounds warm and kind. Its originators certainly imagined that it would bring an end to the sort of unhappy relationships previously brokered by parents and society. The only difficulty is that our obedience to instinct has, very often, proved to be a disaster of its own. Respecting the special feelings we get around certain people in nightclubs and train stations, parties and websites and that Romanticism so ably celebrated in art appears not to have led us to be any happier in our unions than a Medieval couple shackled into marriage by two royal courts keen to preserve the sovereignty of a slice of ancestral land. ‘Instinct’ has been little better than ‘calculation’ in underwriting the quality of our love stories. Romanticism would not at this point, however, give up the argument quite so easily. It would simply ascribe the difficulties we often have in love to not having looked hard enough for that central fixture of Romantic reverie: the right person. This being is inevitably still out there (every soul must have its soulmate, Romanticism assures us), it is just that we haven’t managed to track them down – yet. So we must continue the search, with all the technology and tenacity necessary, and maybe, once the divorce has come through and the house has been sold, we’ll get it right. But there’s another school of thought, this one influenced by psychoanalysis, which challenges the notion that instinct invariably draws us to those who will make us happy. The theory insists that we don’t fall in love first and foremost with those who care for us in ideal ways, we fall in love with those who care for us in familiar ways. Adult love emerges from a template of how we should be loved that was created in childhood and is likely to be entwined with a range of problematic compulsions that militate in key ways against our chances of growth. We may believe we are seeking happiness in love, but what we are really after is familiarity. We are looking to re-create, within our adult relationships, the very feelings we knew so well in childhood – and which were rarely limited to just tenderness and care. The love most of us will have tasted early on was confused with other, more destructive dynamics: feelings of wanting to help an adult who was out of control, of being deprived of a parent’s warmth or scared of his or her anger, or of not feeling secure enough to communicate our trickier wishes. How logical, then, that we should as adults find ourselves rejecting certain candidates not because they are wrong but because they are a little too right – in the sense of seeming somehow excessively balanced, mature, understanding and reliable – given that in our hearts, such rightness feels foreign and unearned. We chase after more exciting others, not in the belief that life with them will be more harmonious, but out of an unconscious sense that it will be reassuringly familiar in its patterns of frustration. Psychoanalysis calls the process whereby we identify our partners ‘object choice’ – and recommends that we try to understand the factors semi-consciously governing our attractions in order to interrupt the unhealthier patterns that might be at play. Our instincts – our strong undercurrents of attraction and revulsion – stem from complicated experiences we had when we were far too young to understand them, and which linger in the antechambers of our minds. Psychoanalysis doesn’t wish to suggest that everything about our attractions will be deformed. We may have quite legitimate aspirations to positive qualities: intelligence, charm, generosity… But we are also liable to be fatefully drawn towards trickier tendencies: someone who is often absent, or treats us with a little disdain, or needs to be surrounded all the time by friends, or cannot master their finances. However paradoxical it can sound, without these tricky behaviours, we may simply not be able to feel passionate or tender with someone. Alternatively, we may have been so traumatised by a parental figure, we cannot approach any partner who shares qualities with them of any kind, even ones disconnected from their negative sides. We might in love be rigidly intolerant of anyone who is intelligent, or punctual or interested in science, simply because these were the traits of someone who caused us a great deal of difficulty early on. To choose our partners wisely, we need to tease out how our compulsions to suffering or our rigid flights from trauma may be playing themselves out in our feelings of attraction. A useful starting place is to ask ourselves (perhaps in the company of a large sheet of paper, a pen and a free afternoon) what sort of people really put us off. Revulsion and disgust are useful first guides because we are likely to recognize that some of the traits that make us shiver are not objectively negative and yet feel to us distinctly off-putting. We might, for example, sense that someone who asks us too much about ourselves, or is very tender or dependable, will seem extremely eerie and frightening. And we might equally well, along the way, recognize that a degree of cruelty or distance belong to an odd list of the things we appear genuinely to need in order to love. It can be tricky to avoid self-censorship here, but the point isn’t to represent ourselves as reassuring, predictable people, but to get to know the curious quirks of our own psyches. We’ll tend to find that some ostensibly pretty nice things are getting caught in our love filters: people who are eloquent, clever, reliable, sunny can set off loud alarms. This is vital knowledge. We should pause and try to fathom where the aversions come from, what aspects of our past have made it so hard for us to accept certain sorts of emotional nourishment. Each time we recognize a negative, we’re discovering a crucial association in our own minds: we’re alighting on an impossibility of love based on associations from the past projected onto the present. An additional way we can get at the associations which circulate powerfully in the less noticed corners of our brains is to finish stub-sentences, that invite us to respond to things that might charm or repel us about someone. We get to see our own reactions more clearly when we write things down without thinking too much about our answers, catching the mind’s unconscious at work. For instance, we can deliberately jot the first things that come into our heads when we read the following: • If I tell a partner how much I need them, they will… • When someone tells me they really need me, I… • If someone can’t cope, I… • When someone tells me to get my act together, I … • If I were to be frank about my anxieties … • If my partner told me not to worry, I’d… • When someone blames me unfairly, I … Our honestly described reactions are legacies. They are revealing underlying assumptions we have acquired about what love can look like. We may start to get a clearer picture that our vision of what we are looking for in another person might not be an especially good guide to our personal or mutual happiness. Examining our emotional histories, we see that we can’t be attracted to just anyone. Getting to know the past, we come to recognise our earlier associations for what they are: generalisations we formed – entirely understandably – on the basis of just one or, hugely impressive, examples. We’ve unknowingly turned some local associations into strict rules for relationships. Even if we can’t radically shift the pattern, it’s useful to know that we are carrying a ball and chain. It can make us more careful of ourselves when we feel overwhelmed by a certainty that we’ve met the one, after a few minutes chatting at the bar. Ultimately, we stand to be liberated to love different people to our initial ‘types’, because we find that the qualities we like, and the ones we very much fear, are found in different constellations from those we encountered in the people who first taught us about affection, long ago in a childhood we are starting at last to understand and free ourselves from. ©️The Counsellor
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  • FOUR ZONES TO LEAVE IN THIS 2025


    Will you shock and surprise yourself by leaving these four zones?

    1. COMFORT ZONE. You must take calculated risks if you want to achieve any meaningful goals. Stop folding hands and wasting time. Go out and get busy

    2. BLAME ZONE. Blaming the government, your parents, ancestors, friends and other family members for not helping you is a waste of time. Work hard and take full responsibility of your failures and non achievements.

    3. PITY ZONE. Stop being dramatic by using emotional tactics to fence off your inability to succeed. OK, you are unemployed for 5 years after graduation and you think the whole world is unfair to you? There is no fair world. Create and innovate with your skills and vow never to depend on anyone again. Employ yourself

    4. HOSTAGE ZONE. Never allow others to treat you as a doormat in your relationships. Stop the hostage situation whereby you are forced to be unloved in return when you are sacrificing so much but recieving nothing. Draw the lines for a reciprocal rewarding relationship or quit.
    Make this month your month of self regulation, self realization and self discovery.

    STAY BLESSED
    FOUR ZONES TO LEAVE IN THIS 2025 Will you shock and surprise yourself by leaving these four zones? 1. COMFORT ZONE. You must take calculated risks if you want to achieve any meaningful goals. Stop folding hands and wasting time. Go out and get busy 2. BLAME ZONE. Blaming the government, your parents, ancestors, friends and other family members for not helping you is a waste of time. Work hard and take full responsibility of your failures and non achievements. 3. PITY ZONE. Stop being dramatic by using emotional tactics to fence off your inability to succeed. OK, you are unemployed for 5 years after graduation and you think the whole world is unfair to you? There is no fair world. Create and innovate with your skills and vow never to depend on anyone again. Employ yourself 4. HOSTAGE ZONE. Never allow others to treat you as a doormat in your relationships. Stop the hostage situation whereby you are forced to be unloved in return when you are sacrificing so much but recieving nothing. Draw the lines for a reciprocal rewarding relationship or quit. Make this month your month of self regulation, self realization and self discovery. STAY BLESSED 🙏❤️
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    💻📲YOUR NETWORK CREATES YOUR NETWORTH💰💵💸 WhatsApp Channel. *What If One Opportunity Comes And Change Your Sorrows To A Smile?* *Are you in Zimbabwe, South Africa, Botswana, Mozambique, Malawi, Namibia, Zambia, Nigeria, USA (etc?* _*I AM LOOKING FOR TWO GROUPS OF PEOPLE*_ *1) The YES l am Employed BUT!!!* � *My my income does not meet all my needs* � *I am working but im drowning in debts* � *I can't afford a house or car of my dreams* � *I wish that l had extra source of income* � *l can't afford to travel overseas for holiday* � *My time with family is limited because of my demanding Job* � *l am in need of financial freedom* *2) The YES I am unemployed group BUT!!!* � *l need a house and a Car* � *l need to be financially stable* � *l want to build a legacy for my family* � *l am tired of sitting at home and i need to earn* App or call +263775246643 *Sharing Is Caring*. 1.2K followers
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  • The strongest relationships are not built on perfection but on two people who choose to love each other even when faced with imperfections and misunderstandings.
    The strongest relationships are not built on perfection but on two people who choose to love each other even when faced with imperfections and misunderstandings. ❤️
    0 التعليقات 0 المشاركات 89 مشاهدة
  • The older I get, the more I realize that clinginess in a relationship isn’t cute. It’s suffocating. Like, relax. We don’t have to be texting all day, every day. We don’t have to be together 24/7. A healthy relationship doesn’t mean losing yourself to another person. It means growing together while still having your own life. Go out with your friends. Find a hobby. Chase your goals. Do something that doesn’t involve me. The biggest mistake people make in relationships is thinking their partner is supposed to be their entire source of happiness. No, that’s your responsibility. Happiness is an inside job. No relationship can thrive when one or both partners are emotionally dependent on the other for their sense of fulfillment. I love affection. I love deep connections. But I also love my peace, my independence, and my own space to breathe and recharge. And I refuse to feel guilty for that. We should complement each other, not complete each other because we should already be whole.
    The older I get, the more I realize that clinginess in a relationship isn’t cute. It’s suffocating. Like, relax. We don’t have to be texting all day, every day. We don’t have to be together 24/7. A healthy relationship doesn’t mean losing yourself to another person. It means growing together while still having your own life. Go out with your friends. Find a hobby. Chase your goals. Do something that doesn’t involve me. The biggest mistake people make in relationships is thinking their partner is supposed to be their entire source of happiness. No, that’s your responsibility. Happiness is an inside job. No relationship can thrive when one or both partners are emotionally dependent on the other for their sense of fulfillment. I love affection. I love deep connections. But I also love my peace, my independence, and my own space to breathe and recharge. And I refuse to feel guilty for that. We should complement each other, not complete each other because we should already be whole.
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  • LEAVE YOUR FEMALE STUDENTS ALONE!

    This is not just a warn!ng—this is a cr¥. A cr¥ for the girl child. A cr¥ for our schools. A cr¥ for sanity.

    Dear young male teacher,

    You are gifted. You are admired. Your presence alone makes the girls sit up, eager to learn. You speak with passion, you dress smart, you explain well—and you may not know this—but many of those girls in your class are secretly cru$h!ng on you.

    But listen carefully: Their admiration is not permission. Their smiles are not an invitation. Their boldness is not maturity.

    They are still children. Tender. VulnerabI3. Still figuring out their emotions. What they feel is not love—it is confusion dressed in admiration. They trust you. They believe in you. And when you cross that sacred line… you k!II something in them.

    You kiIIher confidence.
    You kiII her future.
    You kiII her right to grow up whole and safe.

    Let me tell you what many don’t talk about.

    There are girls walking around today—empty, br0ken, hiding pa!n under their makeup—because a teacher who was supposed to protect them u$ed them.

    Some dropped out of school with swollen bellies.
    Some ended up in danger0u$ relationships they didn’t deserve.
    Some can no longer focus in class.
    Some lost their voice.
    Some have never healed.

    And what’s worse? Many of them still blame themselves.

    You were supposed to be her mentor. Her light. Her guide. Instead, you became her first heartbr£ak, her first betrayaal, her first $hame.

    Let me say this loud and clear: If a girl student ever gets bold enough to come close, it is because you have already given her the signal.
    Yes—you may not have touched her yet, but your boundary is already weak. And weak boundaries are a silent invitation to destruct!on.

    Don’t tell yourself “it’s love.” It’s not.
    Don’t say “she started it.” She didn’t.
    Don’t say “others have done it.” That’s no excuse.

    The truth is: many male teachers have ru!ned the destiny of the girl child in the name of love. And nobody talks about it enough.

    Be different.

    Don’t become another reason why a girl can’t look a male teacher in the eye without f£ar. Don’t become the face she remembers every time the word “trust” is mentioned. Don’t destr0y a child to satisfy your weakness.

    You are not just teaching a subject—you are shaping a soul.

    So protect her.
    Guard your role.
    Be disciplined.
    Be a real man.
    Be the teacher she’ll write about with pride—not pa!n.

    Let this be the end of this madn€$$.
    Let the classroom be a place of growth, not trau.ma.

    If this message touched your heart, share it like fire.
    We must shout it louder until every teacher hears it:

    Leave the girl child alone. Let her grow. Let her breathe. Let her be safe.
    LEAVE YOUR FEMALE STUDENTS ALONE! This is not just a warn!ng—this is a cr¥. A cr¥ for the girl child. A cr¥ for our schools. A cr¥ for sanity. Dear young male teacher, You are gifted. You are admired. Your presence alone makes the girls sit up, eager to learn. You speak with passion, you dress smart, you explain well—and you may not know this—but many of those girls in your class are secretly cru$h!ng on you. But listen carefully: Their admiration is not permission. Their smiles are not an invitation. Their boldness is not maturity. They are still children. Tender. VulnerabI3. Still figuring out their emotions. What they feel is not love—it is confusion dressed in admiration. They trust you. They believe in you. And when you cross that sacred line… you k!II something in them. You kiIIher confidence. You kiII her future. You kiII her right to grow up whole and safe. Let me tell you what many don’t talk about. There are girls walking around today—empty, br0ken, hiding pa!n under their makeup—because a teacher who was supposed to protect them u$ed them. Some dropped out of school with swollen bellies. Some ended up in danger0u$ relationships they didn’t deserve. Some can no longer focus in class. Some lost their voice. Some have never healed. And what’s worse? Many of them still blame themselves. You were supposed to be her mentor. Her light. Her guide. Instead, you became her first heartbr£ak, her first betrayaal, her first $hame. Let me say this loud and clear: If a girl student ever gets bold enough to come close, it is because you have already given her the signal. Yes—you may not have touched her yet, but your boundary is already weak. And weak boundaries are a silent invitation to destruct!on. Don’t tell yourself “it’s love.” It’s not. Don’t say “she started it.” She didn’t. Don’t say “others have done it.” That’s no excuse. The truth is: many male teachers have ru!ned the destiny of the girl child in the name of love. And nobody talks about it enough. Be different. Don’t become another reason why a girl can’t look a male teacher in the eye without f£ar. Don’t become the face she remembers every time the word “trust” is mentioned. Don’t destr0y a child to satisfy your weakness. You are not just teaching a subject—you are shaping a soul. So protect her. Guard your role. Be disciplined. Be a real man. Be the teacher she’ll write about with pride—not pa!n. Let this be the end of this madn€$$. Let the classroom be a place of growth, not trau.ma. If this message touched your heart, share it like fire. We must shout it louder until every teacher hears it: Leave the girl child alone. Let her grow. Let her breathe. Let her be safe.
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  • *THE RESTORER'S DAILY GUIDE*

    DATE: TUESDAY 10TH JUNE 2025

    THEME: *MANAGING USEFUL ENEMIES*

    MEMORISE
    Romans 8:31
    What shall we then say to these things? If God be for us, who can be against us?

    READ
    John 6:70
    Jesus answered them, Have not I chosen you twelve, and one of you is a devil?

    THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
    *The earth is a fallen place and does not produce perfect people.*

    MESSAGE
    We must face the fact and reality that the earth we live in is not an innocent earth, but a fallen earth with a perverse and crooked nature like that of the serpent.

    As such, we should not expect the earth to produce perfect people, seeing that it is corrupt and polluted through lust.

    In life, you will always come across people who don't like you, and who you probably do not like or appreciate. And oftentimes, you realize that such people are needed to facilitate some moves in your life and career. In other words, they are useful but too dangerous to be kept so close to you.
    The world is a place of conflict between both good and evil.

    Many times, both partner together to balance the chemo-coexistence of the earth. Sometimes, we realize that some things that are otherwise harmful and dangerous to our health are still very useful and needful. We just need to discover their place, purpose, and uses. For instance, the venom of snakes is dangerous and deadly but very essential and useful in medical practice. The consumption of alcohol which is dangerous to human lives, is also useful in maintaining body chemistry balance as the body already contains some percentage of it from the breakdown of what we eat regularly.

    Jesus Christ our Lord and Savior also found Himself in a situation where He needed useful enemies. His ministry and assignment on earth required the need for devils to facilitate.

    There was no way man would have been redeemed without the ministry of Satan, the thief, and murderer. Jesus needed to die to redeem us, He had to be betrayed, sold, and killed. All of these dirty jobs could only be carried out by Satan because they are his notable trademarks. This was why Judas was chosen. He was an enemy in the camp and a useful one, for that matter.

    In your life, you will realize that your assignment in life would require that you sometimes work closely with useful enemies. They are all around us whether we like it or not. But with the wisdom of God, we will get them to help us fulfil our purposes and move on with our lives as overcomers in Jesus name.
    David needed Goliath to announce his military prowess in Israel. Later in his life as a king, he needed Joab his defense minister to manage the army of Israel even though Joab was not altogether obeying the King's orders.

    Sometimes, those we call our enemies can be more useful and more profitable to us than our "so-called" friends if we can only manage them well.

    Receive grace today to manage the useful enemies around you in Jesus name. By all means, keep on gaining grounds irrespective of your adversaries. Shalom, maranatha!

    ACTION STEPS
    1. Take it to the Lord in prayer.
    2. Ask the Lord for wisdom on how to manage difficult but needed people around you.
    3. Follow peace with all men.

    PRAYERS
    Dear heavenly Father, Thank you for today's devotional guide. Oh God of restoration, give me wisdom to manage people that I need around me. Help me not to kill the relationships that I will always need in Jesus' name. Amen.

    REMEMBER
    *The earth is a fallen place and does not produce perfect people.*

    AUTHOR: JEDIDIAH DAVID

    DAILY READING: Ezekiel 29-30, Judges 3-4, Acts 3-4.

    HYMN
    All people that on earth do dwell,
    Sing to the Lord with cheerful voice:
    Him serve with mirth, His praise forth tell,
    Come ye before Him and rejoice.

    2
    Know that the Lord is God indeed,
    Without our aid He did us make :
    We are His flock.He doth us feed,
    And for His sheep He doth us take.

    3
    Oh, enter then His gates with praise,
    Approach with joy His courts unto :
    Praise,laud, and bless His name.
    For it is seemly so to do. [always,

    4
    For why ? the Lord our God is good,
    His mercy is for ever sure ;
    His truth at all times firmly stood,
    And shall from age to age endure.

    PLEASE SHARE
    *THE RESTORER'S DAILY GUIDE* DATE: TUESDAY 10TH JUNE 2025 THEME: *MANAGING USEFUL ENEMIES* MEMORISE Romans 8:31 What shall we then say to these things? If God be for us, who can be against us? READ John 6:70 Jesus answered them, Have not I chosen you twelve, and one of you is a devil? THOUGHT FOR THE DAY *The earth is a fallen place and does not produce perfect people.* MESSAGE We must face the fact and reality that the earth we live in is not an innocent earth, but a fallen earth with a perverse and crooked nature like that of the serpent. As such, we should not expect the earth to produce perfect people, seeing that it is corrupt and polluted through lust. In life, you will always come across people who don't like you, and who you probably do not like or appreciate. And oftentimes, you realize that such people are needed to facilitate some moves in your life and career. In other words, they are useful but too dangerous to be kept so close to you. The world is a place of conflict between both good and evil. Many times, both partner together to balance the chemo-coexistence of the earth. Sometimes, we realize that some things that are otherwise harmful and dangerous to our health are still very useful and needful. We just need to discover their place, purpose, and uses. For instance, the venom of snakes is dangerous and deadly but very essential and useful in medical practice. The consumption of alcohol which is dangerous to human lives, is also useful in maintaining body chemistry balance as the body already contains some percentage of it from the breakdown of what we eat regularly. Jesus Christ our Lord and Savior also found Himself in a situation where He needed useful enemies. His ministry and assignment on earth required the need for devils to facilitate. There was no way man would have been redeemed without the ministry of Satan, the thief, and murderer. Jesus needed to die to redeem us, He had to be betrayed, sold, and killed. All of these dirty jobs could only be carried out by Satan because they are his notable trademarks. This was why Judas was chosen. He was an enemy in the camp and a useful one, for that matter. In your life, you will realize that your assignment in life would require that you sometimes work closely with useful enemies. They are all around us whether we like it or not. But with the wisdom of God, we will get them to help us fulfil our purposes and move on with our lives as overcomers in Jesus name. David needed Goliath to announce his military prowess in Israel. Later in his life as a king, he needed Joab his defense minister to manage the army of Israel even though Joab was not altogether obeying the King's orders. Sometimes, those we call our enemies can be more useful and more profitable to us than our "so-called" friends if we can only manage them well. Receive grace today to manage the useful enemies around you in Jesus name. By all means, keep on gaining grounds irrespective of your adversaries. Shalom, maranatha! ACTION STEPS 1. Take it to the Lord in prayer. 2. Ask the Lord for wisdom on how to manage difficult but needed people around you. 3. Follow peace with all men. PRAYERS Dear heavenly Father, Thank you for today's devotional guide. Oh God of restoration, give me wisdom to manage people that I need around me. Help me not to kill the relationships that I will always need in Jesus' name. Amen. REMEMBER *The earth is a fallen place and does not produce perfect people.* AUTHOR: JEDIDIAH DAVID DAILY READING: Ezekiel 29-30, Judges 3-4, Acts 3-4. HYMN All people that on earth do dwell, Sing to the Lord with cheerful voice: Him serve with mirth, His praise forth tell, Come ye before Him and rejoice. 2 Know that the Lord is God indeed, Without our aid He did us make : We are His flock.He doth us feed, And for His sheep He doth us take. 3 Oh, enter then His gates with praise, Approach with joy His courts unto : Praise,laud, and bless His name. For it is seemly so to do. [always, 4 For why ? the Lord our God is good, His mercy is for ever sure ; His truth at all times firmly stood, And shall from age to age endure. PLEASE SHARE
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