Laugh small

1. Soup wey sweet na better person cook am no be money i beg. Some girls fit use 20k cook soup u go prefer to drink garry sleep.

2. But you don’t have money and someone is trying to help you take care of your girlfriend and you’re still complaining eh bros?

3. Brother Abeg Hustle ooh, so that when you get old you will be playing golf not draft

4. I thought I was bad in biology until a friend told me that aquatic animals are animals from akwa-ibom... Issoryt

5. Not all girls want your money, some only want love, attention and your money

6. One motivational speaker committed suicide yesterday. He left a note for the upcoming ones. In quote, "if I can do it, you too can do it", I still don't understand what hes trying to say

7. She saved my number as "Hmm" on her phone and she said it means "He's My Man"
Then I saved hers with "Mtcheww" and she asked me what it means and I say it means "Mehn this chick has everything we wanted"

8. When you want to be serious, you meet a cheat/unserious person .
When You want to cheat, you meet a serious person .

This life no balance
We move 🚶🏾‍♂️ 🚶🏾‍♂️

9. Baby I will die for you, says a guy that puts medicine inside eba

10. If you're not that fine and you like a fine Nigerian lady on social media, do not start your conversation with "Hi" I repeat don't start with "Hi"
She won't reply you. Just tart with,"Do you use First bank? And watch the miracle happen

11. Wife dey Maintain Shape to Keep Husband, Husband Leave am Go Marry 0robo

12. On Judgment Day About 29,000 Angels Will Be Kept aside As Bouncers to Separate Fight Between White Men and Yahoo Boy's

13. In Nigeria We Don't Need CCTV Camera at Home, Our Neighbors Are Enough

14. Breaking News...
My patient dog just developed ulcer
Motivational speakers should avoid me from today

My phone get lock but third leg is public
Dey play

*If you have financial difficulties pls message me..*
*I know people that can buy your phone 🥹*

E remain small make I get babe today, na my android phone **** up

ONE million NIGERIANS TO GET LOAN TO BUY PHONE FOODSTUFFS AND OTHERS.

Buy anything you want!

FG has initiated a scheme to help Nigerians take out loans to buy different items at cheaper prices and on credit.

The program is expected to foster increased demand for locally produced items by credit-supported consumers.

You can apply if you want

Choose your Favourite phone

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Users can start trading $PHONE / $XRP at 17:00 PM on 18th July (UTC).

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OPEN HEAVEN DAILY DEVOTIONAL

DATE: SATURDAY JULY 19TH 2025

THEME: BE KIND ALWAYS

MEMORISE: And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you. Ephesians 4:32

READ: Josh 2:1-24

1 And Joshua the son of Nun sent out of Shittim two men to spy secretly, saying, Go view the land, even Jericho. And they went, and came into an harlot's house, named Rahab, and lodged there.

2 And it was told the king of Jericho, saying, Behold, there came men in hither to night of the children of Israel to search out the country.

3 And the king of Jericho sent unto Rahab, saying, Bring forth the men that are come to thee, which are entered into thine house: for they be come to search out all the country.

4 And the woman took the two men, and hid them, and said thus, There came men unto me, but I wist not whence they were:

5 And it came to pass about the time of shutting of the gate, when it was dark, that the men went out: whither the men went I wot not: pursue after them quickly; for ye shall overtake them.

6 But she had brought them up to the roof of the house, and hid them with the stalks of flax, which she had laid in order upon the roof.

7 And the men pursued after them the way to Jordan unto the fords: and as soon as they which pursued after them were gone out, they shut the gate.

8 And before they were laid down, she came up unto them upon the roof;

9 And she said unto the men, I know that the Lord hath given you the land, and that your terror is fallen upon us, and that all the inhabitants of the land faint because of you.

10 For we have heard how the Lord dried up the water of the Red sea for you, when ye came out of Egypt; and what ye did unto the two kings of the Amorites, that were on the other side Jordan, Sihon and Og, whom ye utterly destroyed.

11 And as soon as we had heard these things, our hearts did melt, neither did there remain any more courage in any man, because of you: for the Lord your God, he is God in heaven above, and in earth beneath.

12 Now therefore, I pray you, swear unto me by the Lord, since I have shewed you kindness, that ye will also shew kindness unto my father's house, and give me a true token:

13 And that ye will save alive my father, and my mother, and my brethren, and my sisters, and all that they have, and deliver our lives from death.

14 And the men answered her, Our life for yours, if ye utter not this our business. And it shall be, when the Lord hath given us the land, that we will deal kindly and truly with thee.

15 Then she let them down by a cord through the window: for her house was upon the town wall, and she dwelt upon the wall.

16 And she said unto them, Get you to the mountain, lest the pursuers meet you; and hide yourselves there three days, until the pursuers be returned: and afterward may ye go your way.

17 And the men said unto her, We will be blameless of this thine oath which thou hast made us swear.

18 Behold, when we come into the land, thou shalt bind this line of scarlet thread in the window which thou didst let us down by: and thou shalt bring thy father, and thy mother, and thy brethren, and all thy father's household, home unto thee.

19 And it shall be, that whosoever shall go out of the doors of thy house into the street, his blood shall be upon his head, and we will be guiltless: and whosoever shall be with thee in the house, his blood shall be on our head, if any hand be upon him.

20 And if thou utter this our business, then we will be quit of thine oath which thou hast made us to swear.

21 And she said, According unto your words, so be it. And she sent them away, and they departed: and she bound the scarlet line in the window.

22 And they went, and came unto the mountain, and abode there three days, until the pursuers were returned: and the pursuers sought them throughout all the way, but found them not.

23 So the two men returned, and descended from the mountain, and passed over, and came to Joshua the son of Nun, and told him all things that befell them:

24 And they said unto Joshua, Truly the Lord hath delivered into our hands all the land; for even all the inhabitants of the country do faint because of us.

MESSAGE
Some people speak to strangers rudely, especially those who seem to be of a lower social status than them. Some other people answer phone calls from phone numbers that are not on their contact list as if the fellow on the line is being a nuisance. They don't wait to know who is on the line; they just pick up and ask harshly, "Who's this?!" Hebrews 13:2 says that you should be kind to all men because you don't know when you will meet an angel. Do you know that God can send your helper to you through a phone call?

I shared a story in this devotional two days ago about how I was in need of £50 during a trip to the UK several years ago. I asked God for £50, and some minutes later, my phone rang. The fellow at the other end said, "Biyi?" I replied, “There’s no Biyi here." He asked, "Is that so and so number?" I said, "Yes, but there's no Biyi here." So, he said, “I’m sorry." I replied, "That's okay, God bless you." Then he said, "What do you mean God bless me? How do you know God?" I replied, "He’s, my savior." Then he asked, "Who am I talking to?" I told him my name, and that was how God used him to answer my request for £50. Imagine if l had spoken harshly to him because I didn't know him and we were only speaking because he had dialed the wrong number, I would have missed God's blessing.

In today's Bible reading, Rahab the harlot showed kindness to the spies. She took a big risk by keeping them in her house. Her kindness later saved her family when the walls of Jericho crumbled (Joshua 6:22-25). It also positioned her as one of the great-great-grandmothers of Jesus (Matthew 1:5) and ensured she was included in the hall of faith (Hebrews 11:31). Proverbs 31:26 tells us about the virtuous woman who opens her mouth with wisdom and has the law of kindness in her tongue. Be kind with your words and in your actions towards others. Let your words make people hopeful, not depressed and dejected. You will reap whatever seed you sow.

Beloved, God could decide to answer your prayer through a ‘wrong number’ call or a random conversation with a complete stranger. This is why you should always be kind and courteous. I pray you won’t miss God’s blessings for you, in Jesus’ name.

KEY POINT

Be kind and courteous at all times.

BIBLE IN ONE YEAR: Isaiah 15-19

AUTHOR: PASTOR E. A ADEBOYE.

OPEN HEAVEN DAILY DEVOTIONAL

THEME: BE KIND ALWAYS

MEMORISE: And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you. Ephesians 4:32

READ: Josh 2:1-24

1 And Joshua the son of Nun sent out of Shittim two men to spy secretly, saying, Go view the land, even Jericho. And they went, and came into an harlot's house, named Rahab, and lodged there.

2 And it was told the king of Jericho, saying, Behold, there came men in hither to night of the children of Israel to search out the country.

3 And the king of Jericho sent unto Rahab, saying, Bring forth the men that are come to thee, which are entered into thine house: for they be come to search out all the country.

4 And the woman took the two men, and hid them, and said thus, There came men unto me, but I wist not whence they were:

5 And it came to pass about the time of shutting of the gate, when it was dark, that the men went out: whither the men went I wot not: pursue after them quickly; for ye shall overtake them.

6 But she had brought them up to the roof of the house, and hid them with the stalks of flax, which she had laid in order upon the roof.

7 And the men pursued after them the way to Jordan unto the fords: and as soon as they which pursued after them were gone out, they shut the gate.

8 And before they were laid down, she came up unto them upon the roof;

9 And she said unto the men, I know that the Lord hath given you the land, and that your terror is fallen upon us, and that all the inhabitants of the land faint because of you.

10 For we have heard how the Lord dried up the water of the Red sea for you, when ye came out of Egypt; and what ye did unto the two kings of the Amorites, that were on the other side Jordan, Sihon and Og, whom ye utterly destroyed.

11 And as soon as we had heard these things, our hearts did melt, neither did there remain any more courage in any man, because of you: for the Lord your God, he is God in heaven above, and in earth beneath.

12 Now therefore, I pray you, swear unto me by the Lord, since I have shewed you kindness, that ye will also shew kindness unto my father's house, and give me a true token:

13 And that ye will save alive my father, and my mother, and my brethren, and my sisters, and all that they have, and deliver our lives from death.

14 And the men answered her, Our life for yours, if ye utter not this our business. And it shall be, when the Lord hath given us the land, that we will deal kindly and truly with thee.

15 Then she let them down by a cord through the window: for her house was upon the town wall, and she dwelt upon the wall.

16 And she said unto them, Get you to the mountain, lest the pursuers meet you; and hide yourselves there three days, until the pursuers be returned: and afterward may ye go your way.

17 And the men said unto her, We will be blameless of this thine oath which thou hast made us swear.

18 Behold, when we come into the land, thou shalt bind this line of scarlet thread in the window which thou didst let us down by: and thou shalt bring thy father, and thy mother, and thy brethren, and all thy father's household, home unto thee.

19 And it shall be, that whosoever shall go out of the doors of thy house into the street, his blood shall be upon his head, and we will be guiltless: and whosoever shall be with thee in the house, his blood shall be on our head, if any hand be upon him.

20 And if thou utter this our business, then we will be quit of thine oath which thou hast made us to swear.

21 And she said, According unto your words, so be it. And she sent them away, and they departed: and she bound the scarlet line in the window.

22 And they went, and came unto the mountain, and abode there three days, until the pursuers were returned: and the pursuers sought them throughout all the way, but found them not.

23 So the two men returned, and descended from the mountain, and passed over, and came to Joshua the son of Nun, and told him all things that befell them:

24 And they said unto Joshua, Truly the Lord hath delivered into our hands all the land; for even all the inhabitants of the country do faint because of us.

MESSAGE
Some people speak to strangers rudely, especially those who seem to be of a lower social status than them. Some other people answer phone calls from phone numbers that are not on their contact list as if the fellow on the line is being a nuisance. They don't wait to know who is on the line; they just pick up and ask harshly, "Who's this?!" Hebrews 13:2 says that you should be kind to all men because you don't know when you will meet an angel. Do you know that God can send your helper to you through a phone call?

I shared a story in this devotional two days ago about how I was in need of £50 during a trip to the UK several years ago. I asked God for £50, and some minutes later, my phone rang. The fellow at the other end said, "Biyi?" I replied, “There’s no Biyi here." He asked, "Is that so and so number?" I said, "Yes, but there's no Biyi here." So, he said, “I’m sorry." I replied, "That's okay, God bless you." Then he said, "What do you mean God bless me? How do you know God?" I replied, "He’s, my savior." Then he asked, "Who am I talking to?" I told him my name, and that was how God used him to answer my request for £50. Imagine if l had spoken harshly to him because I didn't know him and we were only speaking because he had dialed the wrong number, I would have missed God's blessing.

In today's Bible reading, Rahab the harlot showed kindness to the spies. She took a big risk by keeping them in her house. Her kindness later saved her family when the walls of Jericho crumbled (Joshua 6:22-25). It also positioned her as one of the great-great-grandmothers of Jesus (Matthew 1:5) and ensured she was included in the hall of faith (Hebrews 11:31). Proverbs 31:26 tells us about the virtuous woman who opens her mouth with wisdom and has the law of kindness in her tongue. Be kind with your words and in your actions towards others. Let your words make people hopeful, not depressed and dejected. You will reap whatever seed you sow.

Beloved, God could decide to answer your prayer through a ‘wrong number’ call or a random conversation with a complete stranger. This is why you should always be kind and courteous. I pray you won’t miss God’s blessings for you, in Jesus’ name.

KEY POINT

Be kind and courteous at all times.

BIBLE IN ONE YEAR: Isaiah 15-19

AUTHOR: PASTOR E. A ADEBOYE

HYMN 24: I WANT TO BE LIKE JESUS*

1. I want to be like Jesus,
So lowly and so meek;
For no one marked an angry word,
That ever heard Him speak.

2. I want to be like Jesus,
So frequently in prayer;
Alone upon the mountain top,
He met his Father there.

3. I want to be like Jesus,
I never, never find
That He, though persecuted was
To any one unkind.

4. I want to be like Jesus,
Engaged in doing good;
So that of me it may be said
"He hath done what he could."

5. I want to be like Jesus,
Who sweetly said to all,
"Let little children come to Me;"
I would obey the call.

6. But oh I'm not like Jesus,
As any one may see;
O gentle Saviour, send Thy grace,
And make me like to Thee.

Home Alone Reloaded

Episode 1 & 2

My father drove his camry into the our surroundings and came out with my mother and little brother by his side.

I stood up and ran to welcome them.

Me: welcome dad.

Me: welcome mum.

Dad: thank you son. Who is that girl sitting over there?

He asked with his broad and masculine voice. For those of you that don’t know, my father is a military man with three ranks.

I know what you are guys are probably thinking and it’s true. I don’t mess with him o, the day he gave me one hot slāp because he saw p–n videos in my phone, that day I knew that heaven and earth are real.

Me: she is just my classmate Dad and we are both solving mathematics.

Mum: studied her a little that must be Joy.

That’s one thing about my mum. Unlike my Dad, she knew lots of my friends by their names.

Farouk: abeg let’s go inside I am tired.
My junior brother said. I looked at him, and smiled. He is very handsome, more than me. He has a V- shaped face, nice skin colour, open teeth with an Arabian hair.

He is just eleven years old while I am older than him with six years. I knew if he he grows up, he will be a dāngerous guy when it comes to girls, judging from his amazing looks though.

As for me, I am tall, very tall and dark skinned.
My hair is not like his own, mine is strong but trust me, after peming the hair, I was looking sweet. My complete six pacs is also making girls drool over me but my number on weapon of elimīnation is my BĒAST.

Me: am afrāid that is not possible o.

Dad: why?

Me: I just sprayed the house with insecticide not too long.

Dad: Annøyed and you knew that we will be coming home. What is even wrong with you.

Me: sorry dad.

Mum: please honey, don’t raise your voice at him. I was the one that told him to do it.
That’s why I like my mum, always getting my back.

My dad just shook his head. Opened his car and brought out his wallet.

Dad: the things we bought are inside the booth. Whenever you are ready, take them in. Lemme go and visit some of my friends in block 71.

He said and left. I kept looking at him, my brother is a replica of my dad while I resemble my mum.

Mum: Idris, what you did isn’t that wise you know.

Me: sorry ma.

Mum: never mind. Lemme go over to my shop.

My mother is a tailor but since her shop is very big, she opened a saloon inside the shop. That is, Half of the big shop was used for sewing of clothes while the other half was a set up as a saloon.

Mum: farouk, come let’s go…

Farouk: no, I want to stay with brother Idris.

My mum hesitated before she left. My brother kept looking at Joy in a suspicious manner. He knew that something bad must has happened. I mean, he has caught me in the act red handed about three times but what are brothers for, he kept it a secret between us.

Me: abeg take this money go buy peak milk and malt come.

I said giving him #1500 (one thousand five hundred naira) He collected it and was still looking at me with a suspicious look.

Me: oya, keep the change.
He smiled and ran away.

I walked back to where Joy was sitting down and she looked like someone that will soon pass out.
My brother brought the things I told him to buy and he happily took the change away. I gave them to Joy and she drank it happily.

After about fifteen minutes, she stood up with some energy she has gathered and I bade her farewell.

Looking at her new walking step made me laugh, she was walking like someone that is carrying a load between her legs.

I just smiled and relaxed on the bench.

Episode

Me: don’t tell me you are still scārēd of the BĒAST.

Amaka: am not, only that it hurts a lot anytime you try putting more than half the total length in me.

I just sighed. Honestly none of my girlfriends and s-x mates could do better. That’s the reason why I do visit brothel sometimes. There was a time I b@nged this particular runs girl and she enjoyed it to an extent I was given a free ride.

Me: ok, I won’t put all the length you in you…

Amaka: promise?

Me: yes.

She spread her legs wide for me and I positioned the tip of the BĒAST In her punani. Rubbed it around her punani to get it moist, I t—-t it inside of her and she gasped.

Her p—y expanded as it tried its best, tightening its walls and milking the BĒAST Oh my poor BĒAST, if my BĒAST and her punani were to be alive, then her punani would have strangled my best to deāth.

I moved inch by inch till I got to the end of her p—y wall. I looked down and smiled.

Me: well done, you have successfully taken more than half the length.

Amaka: with eyes shut I told you I’d take all one day, practice makes more perfect.

I smiled and started thrusting into her little by little, when I saw that she has gotten used to my d–k inside of her, I started banging her really really hārd.

Amaka: ouchhh! Ouchhh!!!! Eeasyyyyy!!! Ouchhh! U rr hitting myyyy wømb!!!!!

She m0aned and shouted as her first wave of o—-m took her under massive shock. Still maintaining almost half of my d–k outside, I don’t want a situation where someone’s father will come and hold me responsible for crippling his daughter, I b@nged her at an average speed.

It hasn’t been up to twenty five minutes when I last cūmmed so I was expected to last twice as long.

I turned her to d—-e style. Her legs and hands were on the couch while I was standing behind her.

From behind her, I located her p—y and entered her again with the same length she was able to take. With my work made easier for me, I grābbed both butt cheeks as I slammed in and out of her p—y.

Amaka: BĒAST!!!!!!!!!!! BĒAST!!!!!!!!! youuuu arrree kīllīng meeeeee!!

She m0aned and triggered the devīl controlling my BĒAST. I was high, lost in pleasure and ecstasy, in my ultimate blēēping mode, I turned her and raised her up.

We were now standing as i raised her up with my two hands. I took her to the wall for support, my two hands holding her two legs. She used her hand to grab BĒAST and guide it to the entrance of her punani.

Since my both hands were holding her legs, I didn’t know when I thrusted deep into her, more of my length that she could take all entered inside her.

Amaka: ahhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!
She screamed in pure paīns. The new feelings I got when almost all my d–k was buried inside her made my d–k to become double in size as I shot my c-m deep into her deepest part.

I quickly brought out my BĒAST and little drop of bløød was at the tip of it.

Amaka: crying am hūrt, my stomach is on fire, why did you that.

Me: sorry, it wasn’t intentional.
I helped her and took her to the couch where I lay her down. She was still çrying. I helped in cleaning the house and she told me that her father will soon be back so I dashed out.

I was very wēak and tired. Poor BĒAST was tired too. My Pour box need to be refill. As I got close to our room, my vision became būry and I passed out..

Tbc

Follow Esther Creative Studio

I think @MTNNG is stealing data from their customers to run their company.

I mean, how else do you explain data usage of 40 GB in 6 days?

I use Shaw for my home internet and Bell on my phone when I am in Canada; it’s unlimited, and I don’t even use up to 40 GB in a month even with Netflix, X, IPTV, surfing, and telephony, and sometimes I even have to work from home.

MTN is extorting Nigerians like an illegal tollgate, and as the minister of communications and digital economy, this is the type of case that should be earning @bosuntijani his stripes.

Unfortunately, anywhere you find APC, the incompetence and malfeasance don’t take long to show. It always wins out.

MTN and APC, 5 & 6.