I've been in an emotionally difficult relationship for over 15 years, 5 kids. My husband is highly critical, screams at me, screams at the kids, spanks them constantly over minutia, anything I question I'm an argumentative c***, feminism has seeped its poison into me, ect. I kept trying and reaching out, if I just did better, if he would just trust me, its pain and fear talking, all the things.
Well, I finally left last week. I've left before for a couple weeks, but I always end up back because I know God hates a broken marriage, your to sacrifice for your spouse and so on. So I leave, take a breather, he gets nicer, I keep trying, classic cycle.
Well, after almost 2 decades, I said screw it, I'm out, my kids are messed up, they flinch when you try to hug them and are non stop angry, Their dad just keeps trying to beat it out of them, I got to go.
So I walked. I stopped responding to him, anything. When I told the kids we weren't living with Daddy anymore, they cheered.
Well, now God's Got ahold of him. He's seen the light. He sees now that I was never the one abusing him and he's destroyed his family. He stole our joy, he never loved me, ext, and now apparently he's going to. He gave an in depth heartfelt apology to all the kids, to me, and promised to be different. Disney Dad. Its been a week, so far he's been exemplary.
I am not running back into that. I believe he's sincere, but I'm not sure he's going to stick and I'm ready to bounce. My mom is very mad at me because I am thinking that a 4 months is around when I'll go back, IF it sticks. She says thats not enough and my kids need to heal and I should take 2 years, if he really loves us, he will wait.
Am I crazy to think 2 years is unreasonable? If it were me and I'd really made a true change or shift, 2 years seems a long time. Whats a reasonable time line?
Edit- I'm not asking is he can change, I know its unlikely. I'm saying if he is a unicorn who DOES change, how long does it make sense to stay away? The kids are super excited they have a "new dad."
I've been in an emotionally difficult relationship for over 15 years, 5 kids. My husband is highly critical, screams at me, screams at the kids, spanks them constantly over minutia, anything I question I'm an argumentative c***, feminism has seeped its poison into me, ect. I kept trying and reaching out, if I just did better, if he would just trust me, its pain and fear talking, all the things.
Well, I finally left last week. I've left before for a couple weeks, but I always end up back because I know God hates a broken marriage, your to sacrifice for your spouse and so on. So I leave, take a breather, he gets nicer, I keep trying, classic cycle.
Well, after almost 2 decades, I said screw it, I'm out, my kids are messed up, they flinch when you try to hug them and are non stop angry, Their dad just keeps trying to beat it out of them, I got to go.
So I walked. I stopped responding to him, anything. When I told the kids we weren't living with Daddy anymore, they cheered.
Well, now God's Got ahold of him. He's seen the light. He sees now that I was never the one abusing him and he's destroyed his family. He stole our joy, he never loved me, ext, and now apparently he's going to. He gave an in depth heartfelt apology to all the kids, to me, and promised to be different. Disney Dad. Its been a week, so far he's been exemplary.
I am not running back into that. I believe he's sincere, but I'm not sure he's going to stick and I'm ready to bounce. My mom is very mad at me because I am thinking that a 4 months is around when I'll go back, IF it sticks. She says thats not enough and my kids need to heal and I should take 2 years, if he really loves us, he will wait.
Am I crazy to think 2 years is unreasonable? If it were me and I'd really made a true change or shift, 2 years seems a long time. Whats a reasonable time line?
Edit- I'm not asking is he can change, I know its unlikely. I'm saying if he is a unicorn who DOES change, how long does it make sense to stay away? The kids are super excited they have a "new dad."