I will never forgive 2go, why should I? How? Not after what 2go did to me.
I was 19 years old then, using 2go like others. I had connected with one Presh452. Peeping through my Nokia 2626, I could see a beautiful DP. Yes, I like fine fine ihe rị mma. Who no like better thing? Ị na-alụ nwaanyị jọrọ njọ a ga-ebere gị ya ego?
The connection began from chatting to exchange of phone number. Then, night calls. Then, midnight by 12:00 AM to 5:00AM you'd call and speak with anyone free of charge. When that country was still called Nigeria before it turned to Bongo.
Awwww. Midnight, innocent calls — innocent conversation — innocent "I love you...I love you too" raining like a heavy downpour in Mbanefo Hostel. Boys were calling their sweethearts, feeling loved and to be loved. Then I would be in the reading room, Presh452 would call. She's no longer Presh452 but Precious.
When the call enters, I'd leave my books to speak with Pre Pre. Awww. Love Nwantịntị. Precious is a beautiful girl. Queen of Persia. Bianca is learning beauty from her. Precious is as beautiful as the Arab Queens. In fact, through 2go, she sent me beautiful pictures.
"This is you?"
She'd say yes.
Awwww. Her beauty has turned into a butterfly, flying inside my stomach, getting out through my oesophagus, connecting to my alimentary canal. Oh, canal man cannot understand the things of the spirit.
"I can't wait to see you in Aba," my sweet Precious would say.
"I can't wait to see you too," a lost Ọnụkwube would reply.
Midnight calls back to back. Precious had told me number of children she wanted. She was going for 6, I needed just 2. In fact, if possible, 1. But 2 is okay. She didn't want 2 children, after all her father was so rich and had properties in Aba with a fleet of car. In fact, her elder brother was in Europe where he was a billionaire in Euros. So, money no be problem. "Let's have 6 children, my family are rich."
Everything was on her head. I wasn't thinking of any children. She was already planning 6 kids. With who? But you know, when the butterfy flaps its wings in your stomach, you seem to forget some yarning of dust, and dwell on the flow. The flow was flowing.
However, I had gone to the University of Port Harcourt to meet with Professor Nọlue Emenanjọ. Even though I was quite young, I had started meeting professors earlier — traveling to different universities just to meet those men I had read from books. I connected with them on personal level.
The idea was, after going to Uniport, I would branch in Aba to meet my first lady. The most beautiful woman on earth, 2go gave me. We had planned going to cinema together, eat at expensive restaurant, discuss about the future and our love life. So sweet!
She would send me more pictures.
"Are these your pictures?"
"Yes."
Chai. The girl had a pot of beauty broken on her head, and beauty drenched her body, wet it like a fowl beaten by rain. Why can't Precious compete as Miss Universe?
I had left Port Harcourt on Thursday morning. I first left Chọba for Rumuola by Aba Road. Then, Obigbo was still manageable. I plied the road by jumping on ndị Aka n'elu motor. Through Port Harcourt Road, we got to Aba.
She asked me to wait for her at Tonimas. Even though I had to meet her, I was a confirm guy man to stay at the opposite direction and observe my environment unto security-wise.
I stayed behind a parked bus to place a call, someone picked, and was approaching me.
"I am here."
"No. You are not here. I am not seeing you."
"Look at me, I am here."
Mbanụnụ.
Something was standing before me quite alright, but the thing was not a human being. Not my Precious whom I had spent my sleepless nights calling on nightcall. It cannot be my princess, my asampetecious asampete whose beauty was mesmerizing Ọbama then.
I don't want to abuse what God has created. But it seems that after God was done creating some people, they recreated themselves against God's image. Because, how can someone's eyes be bigger than ikwiikwii? Her eyes socketed inside like that of a mọnkey. Imi pịahụ ya ka imi enwe. The sponge okpu n'isi was like that of a mad woman in Eke Imeọha. Her teeth stood erect like amụ ịnyịnya.
Ọnụkwube ntọọọ. Ị chụgburu onwe gị na nwaanyị. Why do bad things keep happening to good people? My mates were using 2go and connecting with ụmụnwa, why did my own 2go connect with kpalakwukwu? Other people's snares hunted living things, mine caught non-living things.
I took a deep breath. Then asked like a conquered wrestler, "are you Precious?"
She said yes, without remorse. She wasn't even remorseful that she sold me adaka in place of enwe. I was praying, kabbashing so that people who knew me wouldn't see me with this kind of usungu. The kind akpoola she wore was sounding on the ground "ma i kelere m, ma i keleghị m, I don't care."
I had made a promise, I must fullfil it. I had promised we would go on date at Crunches located then at Ikot Ekpene Road. But, how would I be looking at this person's face? Impossible. I am not hungry. Even if I am, I'll not eat. You cannot ponzi me and expect me to be happy. Elu na ala ekwela ngwere gbaa ajị.
As we were walking, she was doing the talking, and replying herself. Me Wey be vibe turned deaf. Ogbi. She was ranting how rich her father was. How rich her brother was. Shouting as if I was Buubu who had ear problems and Ee Pee See spend billions to treat it.
Keke was coming with speed, this girl was walking like her father owned the road. The Keke almost hit her, I quickly held her backward before ikuku kẹkẹ eburu ya. I practically saved her from being crushed by the Keke.
Guess what she did?
She went to fight the Keke man. Hitting her open palm on her mouth. "Wuuuuuuuuuuu. If you try me, you will sleep in cell. I.d.i.ot, do you know who my father is?"
I was a gentleman to the core. I was pleading with the Keke man to forgive. I saw what happened. She was at fault. Everyone in the Keke was telling her she was at fault. Aunty was busy insulting them.
The Keke man wasn't responding to her but just looking at me with a pity.
"Fine boy like you, kee ihe i ji udele a eme? See the kind thing you dey Waka for road with."
Na wetin man do man.
You cannot win Aba men with bad mouth. The man was pitying me. I was trying to manage the fact that I was lied to, the same person was embarrassing herself. What was remaining was to remove her clothes and fight. So, na onye ara I came to Aba to see? 2go— tọnda faya you!
No problem. What I would do was on my mind. We got to the restaurant. I asked her to order. She placed her order. I refused to order anything. I lost appetite. What if I eat anything, someone who knows me walks in. My mama fit disown me. I cannot.
Eventually, we stepped out of the restaurant. She was telling me how her father locked her teacher for one week because the teacher punished her in school.
She was saying those things..
Guess what I did?
I took her by surprise and ran to the other side of the road, with the back of my legs touching back of my ears. Then, I jumped into Keke like a thief a na-achụ ọsọ.
"Peace Park, Peace Park!"
"Ọga na #100," the Keke man said, delaying me.
"Go! Go! I will give you 200 naira. Just go."
The Keke guy moved, the girl crossed the road, pursuing me and Keke. She had long leg oo. Chasing us oo! Thank God there was no traffic.
I got to Peace Mark, paid the Keke guy 200 naira. Big money those days. I bought my ticket and bought a newspaper I used to cover the other side — reading newspaper I didn't budget for — in case my Aba Precious abata.
The vehicle quickly filled up, we drove to Nsụka.
When I got to Nsụka, she texted me:
"Because I am not beautiful, that's why you treated me like that..."
I replied: "since you are not proud of yourself— then you were sending me other people's pictures as yours — why should I be proud of you?"
She paused, I paused, 2go paused; all of us paused!
I will never forgive 2go, why should I? How? Not after what 2go did to me.
I was 19 years old then, using 2go like others. I had connected with one Presh452. Peeping through my Nokia 2626, I could see a beautiful DP. Yes, I like fine fine ihe rị mma. Who no like better thing? Ị na-alụ nwaanyị jọrọ njọ a ga-ebere gị ya ego?
The connection began from chatting to exchange of phone number. Then, night calls. Then, midnight by 12:00 AM to 5:00AM you'd call and speak with anyone free of charge. When that country was still called Nigeria before it turned to Bongo.
Awwww. Midnight, innocent calls — innocent conversation — innocent "I love you...I love you too" raining like a heavy downpour in Mbanefo Hostel. Boys were calling their sweethearts, feeling loved and to be loved. Then I would be in the reading room, Presh452 would call. She's no longer Presh452 but Precious.
When the call enters, I'd leave my books to speak with Pre Pre. Awww. Love Nwantịntị. Precious is a beautiful girl. Queen of Persia. Bianca is learning beauty from her. Precious is as beautiful as the Arab Queens. In fact, through 2go, she sent me beautiful pictures.
"This is you?"
She'd say yes.
Awwww. Her beauty has turned into a butterfly, flying inside my stomach, getting out through my oesophagus, connecting to my alimentary canal. Oh, canal man cannot understand the things of the spirit.
"I can't wait to see you in Aba," my sweet Precious would say.
"I can't wait to see you too," a lost Ọnụkwube would reply.
Midnight calls back to back. Precious had told me number of children she wanted. She was going for 6, I needed just 2. In fact, if possible, 1. But 2 is okay. She didn't want 2 children, after all her father was so rich and had properties in Aba with a fleet of car. In fact, her elder brother was in Europe where he was a billionaire in Euros. So, money no be problem. "Let's have 6 children, my family are rich."
Everything was on her head. I wasn't thinking of any children. She was already planning 6 kids. With who? But you know, when the butterfy flaps its wings in your stomach, you seem to forget some yarning of dust, and dwell on the flow. The flow was flowing.
However, I had gone to the University of Port Harcourt to meet with Professor Nọlue Emenanjọ. Even though I was quite young, I had started meeting professors earlier — traveling to different universities just to meet those men I had read from books. I connected with them on personal level.
The idea was, after going to Uniport, I would branch in Aba to meet my first lady. The most beautiful woman on earth, 2go gave me. We had planned going to cinema together, eat at expensive restaurant, discuss about the future and our love life. So sweet!
She would send me more pictures.
"Are these your pictures?"
"Yes."
Chai. The girl had a pot of beauty broken on her head, and beauty drenched her body, wet it like a fowl beaten by rain. Why can't Precious compete as Miss Universe?
I had left Port Harcourt on Thursday morning. I first left Chọba for Rumuola by Aba Road. Then, Obigbo was still manageable. I plied the road by jumping on ndị Aka n'elu motor. Through Port Harcourt Road, we got to Aba.
She asked me to wait for her at Tonimas. Even though I had to meet her, I was a confirm guy man to stay at the opposite direction and observe my environment unto security-wise.
I stayed behind a parked bus to place a call, someone picked, and was approaching me.
"I am here."
"No. You are not here. I am not seeing you."
"Look at me, I am here."
Mbanụnụ.
Something was standing before me quite alright, but the thing was not a human being. Not my Precious whom I had spent my sleepless nights calling on nightcall. It cannot be my princess, my asampetecious asampete whose beauty was mesmerizing Ọbama then.
I don't want to abuse what God has created. But it seems that after God was done creating some people, they recreated themselves against God's image. Because, how can someone's eyes be bigger than ikwiikwii? Her eyes socketed inside like that of a mọnkey. Imi pịahụ ya ka imi enwe. The sponge okpu n'isi was like that of a mad woman in Eke Imeọha. Her teeth stood erect like amụ ịnyịnya.
Ọnụkwube ntọọọ. Ị chụgburu onwe gị na nwaanyị. Why do bad things keep happening to good people? My mates were using 2go and connecting with ụmụnwa, why did my own 2go connect with kpalakwukwu? Other people's snares hunted living things, mine caught non-living things.
I took a deep breath. Then asked like a conquered wrestler, "are you Precious?"
She said yes, without remorse. She wasn't even remorseful that she sold me adaka in place of enwe. I was praying, kabbashing so that people who knew me wouldn't see me with this kind of usungu. The kind akpoola she wore was sounding on the ground "ma i kelere m, ma i keleghị m, I don't care."
I had made a promise, I must fullfil it. I had promised we would go on date at Crunches located then at Ikot Ekpene Road. But, how would I be looking at this person's face? Impossible. I am not hungry. Even if I am, I'll not eat. You cannot ponzi me and expect me to be happy. Elu na ala ekwela ngwere gbaa ajị.
As we were walking, she was doing the talking, and replying herself. Me Wey be vibe turned deaf. Ogbi. She was ranting how rich her father was. How rich her brother was. Shouting as if I was Buubu who had ear problems and Ee Pee See spend billions to treat it.
Keke was coming with speed, this girl was walking like her father owned the road. The Keke almost hit her, I quickly held her backward before ikuku kẹkẹ eburu ya. I practically saved her from being crushed by the Keke.
Guess what she did?
She went to fight the Keke man. Hitting her open palm on her mouth. "Wuuuuuuuuuuu. If you try me, you will sleep in cell. I.d.i.ot, do you know who my father is?"
I was a gentleman to the core. I was pleading with the Keke man to forgive. I saw what happened. She was at fault. Everyone in the Keke was telling her she was at fault. Aunty was busy insulting them.
The Keke man wasn't responding to her but just looking at me with a pity.
"Fine boy like you, kee ihe i ji udele a eme? See the kind thing you dey Waka for road with."
Na wetin man do man.
You cannot win Aba men with bad mouth. The man was pitying me. I was trying to manage the fact that I was lied to, the same person was embarrassing herself. What was remaining was to remove her clothes and fight. So, na onye ara I came to Aba to see? 2go— tọnda faya you!
No problem. What I would do was on my mind. We got to the restaurant. I asked her to order. She placed her order. I refused to order anything. I lost appetite. What if I eat anything, someone who knows me walks in. My mama fit disown me. I cannot.
Eventually, we stepped out of the restaurant. She was telling me how her father locked her teacher for one week because the teacher punished her in school.
She was saying those things..
Guess what I did?
I took her by surprise and ran to the other side of the road, with the back of my legs touching back of my ears. Then, I jumped into Keke like a thief a na-achụ ọsọ.
"Peace Park, Peace Park!"
"Ọga na #100," the Keke man said, delaying me.
"Go! Go! I will give you 200 naira. Just go."
The Keke guy moved, the girl crossed the road, pursuing me and Keke. She had long leg oo. Chasing us oo! Thank God there was no traffic.
I got to Peace Mark, paid the Keke guy 200 naira. Big money those days. I bought my ticket and bought a newspaper I used to cover the other side — reading newspaper I didn't budget for — in case my Aba Precious abata.
The vehicle quickly filled up, we drove to Nsụka.
When I got to Nsụka, she texted me:
"Because I am not beautiful, that's why you treated me like that..."
I replied: "since you are not proud of yourself— then you were sending me other people's pictures as yours — why should I be proud of you?"
She paused, I paused, 2go paused; all of us paused!
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