I’ve been stuck in this place for such a long time, I’ve almost forgotten what it feels like not to be here.
It’s the strangest combination of sadness, pain,anger and longing.
The battle between my heart and head has been waging a fierce battle and the only loser is me.
I know that I should stop looking back, stop thinking about what has been and start hoping for the future.
Only I can’t.
My heart won’t let me.
Every time I think I’m finally moving past all the things that have been holding me back. something draws me back in-
A feeling, a memory, a text or the person who still holds my heart in the palms of their hands.
And most of the time, I feel powerless to do anything about it.
So, I sit here in the dark wishing things were different:
That those things never happened, that the pain and regret didn’t live so largely in my mind…
And I can’t stop my thoughts and feelings from cascading through my head endlessly.
Hurting, wishing, trying, hoping, believing.
So, as I watch the minutes pass by in the still of the night, I am a prisoner to the hardest battle I’ve ever faced:
And while I’m not losing, I’m not winning either.
I’m just stuck.
Holding on.
Trying to let go.
And not able to do either.
As I close my eyes, a solitary tear rolls down my cheek,
Holding within it all the hopes, dreams and desires that hold me hostage.
Maybe tomorrow, with the dawn of a new day, I’ll find some peace.
Until then, I’ll just stay here and think, feel and dream.
One day at a time.
That’s all I can do for now.
That will have to be enough.
Until I can do more.
-|ravenwolf