Been together almost 20 years. Female in her 40s and male just about to leave his 40s. We had a fantastic intimate life up until about two and a half years ago. All of a sudden our private intimate life came to a hault. When I would bring up the topic, I was met with "give me a few days to find my words", I'd sit for those days with the heaviness on my chest. I would bring up the topic again and express how this is making me feel and again I would be met with "let me find my words". Eventually he would say "it's not you, I'm all up in my head, I do love and desire you" and then nothing. I broke down last summer, showed him my tears, again I was met with "give me a few days to find my words" and I would. Then he'd say again "It's not you. I'm all up in my head". I have tried to be understanding, I've tried to "spice things up", I've tried to bring back things we used to love. Nothing. There is no physical cheating going on, he still holds my hand, hugs and kisses me, but nothing more. I want to scream! I love this man with every part of my being, but I'm getting resentful, jealous over other females, and I feel so lonely. I'm lost. Why am I no longer desirable to my husband? My selt esteem has never felt so low.