Hi! This will be long because it's a complicated issue with a backstory.
My husband who has a squalor/hoarding issue, from what I suspect is undiagnosed and untreated ADHD, wants another dog from a litter his dog sired and will be ready in 2 weeks. We have 2 dogs already plus a cat, and one of the dogs was a dog he brought home years ago even though I said no.
Months ago I put up a boundary that I would need to see everything that he has trashed fully cleaned up and to maintain its cleanliness for 3 months, as that would show me that it is a truly changed habit, then we could talk about another dog.
He did not get everything cleaned. He continued to put it off. Earlier this year he bred his dog as he is a hunting breed. Last month the puppies were born, and he brought it up again (wanting one of the puppies) - I reiterated what I needed to see, and he asked me "What if I get it done this week, would a month be long enough?" I told him no, that three months minimum would show me that he can actually maintain it. He got upset but I feel like this is a fair boundary. He had our home disgusting, truly disgusting and in squalor, for at least 5 years, with no way for me to keep up with it and each time he would start to clean it, it would go back in a week or two. I can post pictures in the comments but only if asked, if that is needed for context.
Anyways, two days ago he brings it up again. He told me he got everything done - which he did - and said that he feels much better mentally now that it was no longer weighing on him. He said he "knows" he can maintain things now that he has it all cleaned up. He said it will be easier now because he feels "so much better mentally." He told me that he never got back to the person who has the puppies and asked if I would reconsider now that everything is done. He told me "I need to get back to her about it within the next couple days."
I don't know what to do. I feel like if I say no, I am in the wrong.
Any advice?? Thanks.
My husband who has a squalor/hoarding issue, from what I suspect is undiagnosed and untreated ADHD, wants another dog from a litter his dog sired and will be ready in 2 weeks. We have 2 dogs already plus a cat, and one of the dogs was a dog he brought home years ago even though I said no.
Months ago I put up a boundary that I would need to see everything that he has trashed fully cleaned up and to maintain its cleanliness for 3 months, as that would show me that it is a truly changed habit, then we could talk about another dog.
He did not get everything cleaned. He continued to put it off. Earlier this year he bred his dog as he is a hunting breed. Last month the puppies were born, and he brought it up again (wanting one of the puppies) - I reiterated what I needed to see, and he asked me "What if I get it done this week, would a month be long enough?" I told him no, that three months minimum would show me that he can actually maintain it. He got upset but I feel like this is a fair boundary. He had our home disgusting, truly disgusting and in squalor, for at least 5 years, with no way for me to keep up with it and each time he would start to clean it, it would go back in a week or two. I can post pictures in the comments but only if asked, if that is needed for context.
Anyways, two days ago he brings it up again. He told me he got everything done - which he did - and said that he feels much better mentally now that it was no longer weighing on him. He said he "knows" he can maintain things now that he has it all cleaned up. He said it will be easier now because he feels "so much better mentally." He told me that he never got back to the person who has the puppies and asked if I would reconsider now that everything is done. He told me "I need to get back to her about it within the next couple days."
I don't know what to do. I feel like if I say no, I am in the wrong.
Any advice?? Thanks.
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